


Honestly

by qwanderer



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Infidelity, M/M, Multi, Polyamory Negotiations, Sort Of, secrets and lies oh no, slight s7 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 03:34:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15810477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qwanderer/pseuds/qwanderer
Summary: "Just tell me one thing, guys, okay?" she asked them all. "Does Lance still flirt with Allura when I'm not there to see?"All four mice turned solemn eyes on her, and the smallest gave her a tiny, tiny nod.Pidge felt like the floor had just dropped out from under her.





	Honestly

**Author's Note:**

> Very minor s7 spoilers. Takes place sometime after mid-s3 and in an AU where certain events in s6 take place out of order or not at all, I guess.

Pidge had been sure for a while now that Lance was pursuing Allura fairly seriously and that they would eventually get together. 

Then, one night, after their latest round of the fighting game Pidge had cooked up using an amalgamation of the code from Killbot Phantasm, the code from the training room bots, and her own imagination, Lance had laid a warm hand on her thigh, and said, "Man, Pidge, you know I'd go nuts out here in space without you and our game nights, right?" 

He squeezed just a little before withdrawing his hand slowly, as if it wanted to linger there. She blinked at him, brain shocked into blankness before engaging fully to analyze the situation. 

Suddenly it registered that a lot of the things Lance had been doing during their twice-weekly games and/or movies nights could be construed as flirting. This was just the latest, and most obvious, piece of data in a pattern Pidge should have seen a mile away. 

"What the Quiznak," Pidge said, frowning. 

Lance shrugged. "What? It's true." 

* * *

It was a well-known fact that Lance flirted with most girls he encountered. It had happened at the Garrison, it had happened when he'd first met Allura, it had happened multiple times across multiple visits to multiple alien planets. 

Now, Pidge had done her best while at the Garrison to keep people from realizing that she was a girl, so it shouldn't have been a surprise that Lance didn't treat her like one. And it definitely shouldn't have made her feel a little bitter every time she got the "one of the guys" treatment from him. But it did. 

And then Lance was chosen to mindmeld with a giant blue spaceship shaped like a lion and they went to a magical space castle together and a magical space princess literally swooned in Lance's arms and his eyes went huge and had hearts popping out of them like a cartoon character (Pidge will swear to this in court any day) and Pidge vowed never to ever tell Lance that she was a girl because that would mean that she'd find out how she stacked up against that goddess in terms of girls-Lance-wanted-to-flirt-with and that was something Pidge was almost certain she wouldn't survive knowing. 

But of course that plan didn't survive impact with the reality of being the five destined heroes in a universe-wide war, mind-melded via semi-sentient giant lion-ships. 

For a while it was okay that Lance didn't really treat her differently than he ever had, because hey, they were friends, and that was what was important. But she watched how he acted towards Allura, how it changed from habitual flirtation to self-conscious care and worry to a bone-deep trust and admiration, as they all learned to be paladins together. 

So when Lance did start flirting with Pidge, Pidge was deeply suspicious. 

* * *

"You," Pidge said slowly, going over her calculations once more just to be absolutely certain, "You are flirting with me." 

Lance's face contorted strangely, a little pleased and a little guilty and maybe some other things Pidge couldn't categorize. 

"Uh... thanks for noticing?" he responded. A blush dusted his olive cheeks. 

"But I thought... I mean I was sure. I was sure you liked Allura." Pidge hated the sound of her voice in her own ears, unsteady, hopeful, almost pleading. 

As a young child, Pidge remembered telling her parents that she was going to undertake the rituals of Kolinahr when she grew up, and right now she was devoutly wishing that there really had been such a thing. Having emotions was just... really horrible. 

"Hey," Lance said, reaching for her hand, cradling it in his own. "I like _you,_ okay? I like hanging out with you, just the two of us. I like the cute way you squint when you're frustrated because it's taking too long for you to figure something out. I..." he gave a quiet sigh. "You're kind of my best friend, you know? And I don't want that to change. But. Pidge." He raised her hand to his mouth, and kissed her knuckles in a way that was somehow reverent. "You should know that I also think you're beautiful." 

"...Okay," Pidge said, not sure what to think of it all. It seemed sudden, even in all of the ways that it wasn't. 

She let him kiss her hand one more time before he let it go and said goodnight. 

* * *

It was hard to sleep after that, and she felt like Katie Holt and Pidge Gunderson and Pidge Holt were all arguing with each other about the likelihood of this and the significance of that. They all had different perspectives. 

Cadet Gunderson was of the firm opinion that none of Lance's flirting ever meant anything solid. Miss Katie Holt still believed in fairy tales and magical happy endings and everything coming out right in the end. 

But ultimately, she was Green Paladin Pidge Holt, and she knew that the universe was a complicated and difficult place full of horror and cruelty, but that didn't stop magic from being real, or people falling in love and living happily with each other. She saw how easy it was for thinking beings to use each other for their own ends every day when Voltron did their best to save worlds from the grip of the Galra, but she also saw love every day, whenever Shiro so much as mentioned Keith, whenever Keith set his eyes on Shiro. 

That thought was the one that finally quieted all of the voices and let her drift to sleep. 

When she finally dragged herself out of bed around lunchtime the next day, she felt oddly floaty, and not just from sleep deprivation. Oh, she knew sleep deprivation, and this feeling contained another element altogether. 

She was pretty sure she knew what it was. But she also wanted to do a little bit of deeper research before she decided what to do about it. 

* * *

Lance didn't flirt with Allura anymore. 

Not in public. In public, he didn't flirt with either of them. Not a single wink, not a solitary compliment that wasn't relevant to their work as part of Team Voltron, not even a hint of an inappropriately lingering touch. 

Pidge talked it through with the junk tribbles, and the junk tribbles reminded her that if she didn't want to talk to Allura directly about this just yet, it might be useful for her to speak to the mice. 

"Hey, meese," she said once she'd found them. "Can we talk?" 

It felt odd to talk to them, even though she could spend hours talking to the junk tribbles with only the vaguest of feelings that she was being heard and understood, and she was pretty sure the mice understood English by this point. 

The biggest mouse nodded agreeably enough, so Pidge curled herself into a tight little ball on the floor next to them, and began. 

"So I'm not sure what's going on with Lance," she told them. "But he's definitely... been pursuing me. Romantically." She frowned. "I'm pretty sure. But on the other hand, I was really sure before yesterday that he had feelings for Allura." 

The mice had all pricked up their ears by the end of this speech, and the two smallest ones looked distinctly worried. 

"Yeah," she agreed. "It's weird. And worrying. And the worst part of it is that I'm pretty sure he's trying to keep it a secret. Like that's really possible between Paladins. Most of them knew I was a girl before I told them. Most of us knew about Keith and Shiro before I think they'd even admitted it to themselves." 

The second largest mouse twitched its whiskers as if processing something fascinating, but also distressing. 

"I'm worried he's ashamed of liking me, you know? Like, I'm just Pidge, the geeky kid who he got teamed up with at the Garrison. I'm not tall and pretty and aristocratic like some people. I feel like I'm in one of those period dramas where the rich guy is trying to woo the low-status girl in secret because he couldn't bear it if his family found out." 

The biggest mouse tilted its head to the side and looked at Pidge with patient concern. 

"Just tell me one thing, guys, okay?" she asked them all. "Does Lance still flirt with Allura when I'm not there to see?" 

All four mice turned solemn eyes on her, and the smallest gave her a tiny, tiny nod. 

Pidge felt like the floor had just dropped out from under her. 

* * *

At first, she was too heartbroken to be mad. 

Then, her fiery little soul flared right up, and she was suddenly furious. 

"Where's Allura?" she asked the mice, voice gone hard. 

One of the smaller mice cowered and hid behind the largest, but the largest simply gestured down the hall, then loped ahead so Pidge could follow. 

* * *

The conversation with Allura that followed was harder than Pidge would have expected, after the fire in her belly that demanded that she go and do it immediately. She was angry, yes, but she wasn't angry with Allura, and didn't want to hurt her more than absolutely necessary. 

Thankfully, the mice filled in some of the gaps, so she didn't have to. 

Pidge felt that she at least had to stumble through an explanation of what Lance had said to her, about the warmth and weight and familiarity of his hand on her thigh. 

"And that's really not something that humans do with each other unless they're... uh... well...." 

"...Unless they're romantically attached, or intend to be," Allura provided, not quite a question. 

Pidge nodded. 

"And it's unusual for humans to conduct their romantic affairs in total secrecy?" 

Allura likely had to ask, because Keith and Shiro were both very private about that aspect of their affection for each other. It went unspoken, as a rule. 

"It's not unheard-of," Pidge answered, "but it's usually because the person has reason to believe there's something wrong or shameful about what they're doing. And pursuing two people at once, while keeping them secret from each other? Yeah, that's bad." 

"I see," said Allura. "It's also not good by Altean standards." 

"I'm sorry you had to hear this, then," Pidge told her. "I hate this. What do we do?" 

"We tell him that we both consider this behavior unacceptable," Allura said firmly. "I believe it's important that we present a united front in this matter." Her voice went a little softer and less sure as she said, "no matter what course of action he may decide to pursue after this." 

"You really like him, huh?" Pidge asked her. 

"I admire him a great deal," she admitted. 

"I hate this," Pidge repeated. "We're gonna be all right, right? The two of us? No matter what happens. Promise me." 

"I promise you, jealousy or bitterness will not come between this green paladin and this blue paladin. Our bond is too strong." 

Allura's conviction gave Pidge the courage she needed to move on to the next task that needed doing. 

She took a breath. "Let's go find Lance," she said. 

* * *

When Pidge came into the lounge, Lance looked up at her with a smile. Then he saw her expression, and his smile drooped. 

Then he saw Allura marching in after her, and his whole face went a little sour, though he tried to hide it. 

"Hey, guys. What's up?" he asked. 

"You've been keeping secrets," Pidge said, doing her best to keep her voice level. "We'd like to know why." 

"Uh," Lance said blankly. He grimaced, but then he clearly decided to defend himself. "Hey, we all have secrets," he reminded them. "You didn't tell us that you were a girl. And you didn't tell us that Zarkon used to be the Black Paladin." 

Pidge glared. "And maybe we all agreed that keeping those secrets from the team was wrong." 

Lance's face twisted as he considered that. "I'm not keeping anything like that from the team. I wouldn't. If I have secrets, and I'm not saying I do, they're personal." 

"That's true," Allura said. "However, by both Altean and human standards, I've been assured, it is inappropriate to court someone and not disclose the fact that you're also courting someone else." 

As what she'd said registered, Lance made a sound that was perilously close to a whimper, and hid his face in his hands. 

Allura huffed impatiently. "I take it that means you don't have an explanation." 

They could see him cringe, but he didn't uncover his face. 

Pidge siged sharply. "You look at me, Lance Alfonso McClain y Garcia. You can't hide from this. You are going to listen to what we have to say." 

Lance warily uncovered his face to look up at them both. 

Allura stood her full height, her paladin armor gleaming, and she looked down at Lance with contempt. 

"We do not deserve to be your dirty secrets," she said coldly. "We do not deserve to be lied to, even through omission. We do not deserve this. And it will stop." 

Pidge crossed her arms, and did her best to imitate Allura as best she could while more than a head shorter. She gave a curt, firm nod, and hoped she didn't look like a complete doofus standing beside Allura. 

Lance swallowed audibly, face gone waxy. Then he closed his eyes, and gave an acknowledging nod. "Yeah," he said. "You're right. I'll just... I'm gonna go." 

He fled. 

* * *

Lance went to the kitchen, where he found Hunk, who was baking something that vaguely resembled cinnamon rolls in shape and odor, if not at all in color. 

"I... am in so... much... trouble," Lance said, plunking his arms down on the counter and then plunking his head down on top of them. 

"What did you do this time?" Hunk asked, more patient and indulgent than anything else. 

Lance lifted his head just enough to glare. Then he wilted again. 

"I'd be offended," he said, "but I'm pretty sure this one really is my fault. Hunk... I stepped in it, big time." 

Hunk finished his fussing and put the rolls into the oven. "Yeah?" he asked, moving to sit across the counter from Lance. "Hit me with it, what's the sitch?" 

"Okay, so, you know how I've had this massive crush on Allura ever since I first laid eyes on her, right?" 

"Yeah, I'm a little familiar," Hunk agreed. 

"And how I feel about her, it's not just about how beautiful she is, not anymore. So I've been, you know, pursuing that avenue a little bit." 

"As in?" Hunk asked. 

"Okay, well, I flirt of course, and we do activities together that are not completely unlike dates. And I may have kissed her. On the cheek. Once." 

"And she was okay with that?" 

"Yeah," Lance said. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure." 

"Okay, so what's the problem?" Hunk asked. 

Lance took a breath. "So... I'vebeendoingthesamekindofstuffwithPidgetoo," he pushed out in one breath, and cringed. 

Hunk widened his eyes, and then he whistled, loud and long. "That," he said, "Lance, that is shitty. You know that, right?" 

Lance nodded, his face still in the same tense grimace. 

"So you're being shitty, and you know it, and you're coming to tell me all about it, why?" Hunk asked, his voice gaining an edge it hardly ever had. "You know Pidge is basically my sister, right? I take that kind of shit personally when it comes to her. And Allura's been through so much, and she's a paladin, she fights just as hard as the rest of us if not harder, so she deserves Not This." 

"I know," Lance moaned, lowering his head down to his arms again. "I don't know what to do." 

"Dude," Hunk said, "you've gotta cowboy up and figure out what you actually want." 

Lance shrugged expressively. "Fuck if I know," he said. 

Hunk frowned, giving Lance a disapproving look. "Seriously, man, if you don't have real feelings for either of them, this sucks even more." 

"Excuse you!" Lance said, back straightening and eyes flashing. "My feelings are so real!" 

"Then what. Are. They." 

Lance heaved an enormous sigh. "Well, Pidge... Pidge blows my mind, man. She's so smart and so determined and she loves people so hard. She just goes out and gets what she wants, like the force of nature she is, and I am in awe. I just want to spend time with her and play games into the wee hours of the morning and see her when she finally makes that level. The way she lights up, the way she laughs? I just wanna see her happy." 

* * *

Pidge looked over at Allura, who was sitting beside her in front of her laptop, watching the surveillance stream Pidge had hacked. 

Allura's expression was a little broken, but she smiled in a bittersweet way. 

"Damn it," Pidge said. "I didn't know, I promise you that. I thought for sure he was into you, I mean you're literally the magical beautiful princess, you're basically Zelda, and I thought his going after me was some kinda prank." She cringed. "Still not sure if he's serious about this, but you didn't need to hear that, so I'm sorry." 

Allura turned to her with eyes liquid with tears. "He means it," she reassured. "He really loves you. Oh, Pidge!" 

Pidge shook her head. "No, but I'm not sure if I want to be with someone who can act like he does with you if he's really into me," she said, and then, softly, peering back at the screen, she whispered, "What the _fuck_." 

* * *

Hunk's face had softened a little with Lance's speech about Pidge. "So what I'm hearing is that you really wanna date Pidge," he said. 

"Yeah, I do," Lance agreed quietly. 

Hunk settled his elbows on the counter squarely in front of Lance, and leaned down to look Lance in the eye. "So what. The fuck. Is with the stuff you do around Allura." 

Lance closed his eyes for a moment, and then looked back at Hunk unflinchingly. "Okay, the thing is. She's. Allura, you know? She's beautiful, of course she's beautiful, but that's just the beginning, right? You know she can toss me around like a ragdoll and that is. I can't explain how hot it is. But then she's strong in so many other ways too. It's like you said, she's been through so much but she never even thinks about giving up. Not for a minute. And. That's amazing. I admire that so much. But then also there are these moments where she's just a person. She's sad or she's hopeful, she wants to go out and have fun between missions, she's just a girl, you know? And I want to see that, Allura between missions just being a girl, just having some fun, just chilling. She needs that, I think." 

* * *

Pidge could feel tears starting in her own eyes now. 

Allura looked at her, perplexed, at a loss. 

"You know," Pidge said slowly, "all the things he said about me, he could have meant them in a friend way. And I'm starting to think he did, because, 'Lura, listen to that, that is definitely the 'want-to-date-her' kind of feelings. Or possibly 'want-to-let-her-tie-me-up' feelings. Either way it's not 'just a friend' stuff. Not like what he said about me." 

Allura frowned. "You humans have odd ideas of what constitutes friendly feelings," she said. "No, as much as I want to think his feelings for me are genuine, that could all just be lust, and possibly pity." 

Pidge snorted. "Yeah, no," she said. 

* * *

Hunk pushed himself upright again, peering at Lance as he would at some kind of broken mechanical system. "What is this?" he asked. "Are you trying to con me here? Because that's not cool. Maybe you're confused or whatever, but if you want me to say it's okay, what you've been doing to them, well, sorry to disappoint you, buddy, but I'm not gonna." 

"No, I don't... I'm not trying to get you to do anything!" Lance said. "I'm trying to figure my shit out, but it's hopeless! I'm a hopeless evil lecher, apparently, and I don't know how to stop." 

"You could just... you know... not. Until you figure your shit out. Just not do anything remotely approaching pursuing either of them. Just friendly respect for your coworkers. Or do you not know how to just be friends with anybody who isn't one of the guys." 

Lance was slouched so far in his seat at this point that his chin rested directly on the counter. "I don't know. I mean I've got sisters. I can do the sister thing, I know I can. And back at the Garrison there were a few girls around, not a lot, you know? I got to know the ones I was interested in. We didn't get tossed together a lot with any of the others. There was Leif, you remember Leif? But she was never really much for chit-chat. She was an all-piloting-all-the-time kinda girl. Didn't really feel like a friend so much. I didn't know Pidge was a girl, but Pidge still made me curious, you know? I wanted to spend time with her. Had maybe a real confusing crush. But then I got here and I met Allura and was like 'okay, yeah, never mind, I'm totally straight after all' but then Pidge was a girl and she started opening up and letting us get to know her and... fuck." He squirmed, nearly toppling himself to the floor. "I don't know what to do, man. Hunk. Please." 

Hunk sighed, now looking at Lance as he would at a part that he suspected would need to be replaced. "Lance. Man. I was okay with how you were at the Garrison because you never led anybody on. You never tried to make anybody believe that your feelings were serious when they weren't. But now? I don't know what to think." 

"I don't blame you." Lance groaned. "I feel awful about this whole thing. I really do." 

"Maybe you should." 

"Hey, I'm here asking what I should do, okay? Because I don't know. You want me to wallow in my misery over being in love with two completely different, completely amazing girls in two completely different ways? Well, fine. I'm miserable. Does that make you happy?" 

Hunk made an exasperated noise. "Of course not." 

* * *

Pidge and Allura looked at each other, first with surprise, then with speculation. 

"You think...?" Pidge began hesitantly. 

"I thought humans were naturally monogamous. Some species are, you know. Others, less so." Allura inclined her head. "It's easy to look at certain humans I've met and think that it's the nature of humans to commit to each other exclusively, completely and for life. But then... perhaps I simply have a certain amount of resistance to attributing something as positive as Keith's devotion to Shiro to his Galra heritage. Galra are, by nature, monogamous. It's instinctual for them to devote themselves wholely to one mate." 

"No, humans aren't like that, not by nature," Pidge said slowly. "Although for a lot of humans it's seen as an ideal. So much so that a lot of people feel they have to hide the fact that they aren't, at any cost." 

They both turned to look at Lance's image on Pidge's little screen. Then their eyes found each other's again. 

"I don't think I'm one of the humans that need that," Pidge said slowly. "What about... Alteans? What about you?" 

"There's a word for what Coran is to me," Allura began. "Bondparent. Not a mother or a father but bonded to one of them closely enough to be a parent nonetheless. And there is a reason my father Alfor chose him to preserve as the last Altean life he could save, as the person on the castle ship he loved most, second only to me." 

"Oh," said Pidge. She was silent for a moment. And then she reached out to thread her small, calloused fingers between Allura's graceful ones. 

* * *

"Listen," Hunk said. "I can't tell you what to do, because I'm not there, in your head, thinking and feeling whatever's tangled up in there. I can tell you that you can't keep on the way you've been going. It's not respectful to Pidge and 'Lura, and it's not going to get you anywhere you want to be." 

Lance hauled himself back up to leaning his arms on the counter, and groaned, dropping his head back into his arms. He sniffed loudly, then hunched even further in on himself. 

"Shit, man," Hunk said. "Are you actually crying? Is this actually... is this really that serious? If you don't know who you want to date, would it really be so bad to just keep being friends with them?" 

"No," Lance said, still muffled by his arms, "but I _know_ that's not what I want. Plus, I probably screwed up my chance at keeping that, anyway." 

"I wish I could tell you what to do," Hunk said. "I really do. I just... I don't understand. How hard can it be to figure out what you want here?" 

Lance let out a low, pained whine. 

Allura and Pidge strode into the room then, and Hunk's eyes went big as saucers. "Oh, hey, you two," he said, loud and a bit stilted. "...What are you doing here?" 

Lance's head popped up, staring at them with a muddled mess of elements in his expression, but mostly dread. 

"We're here to rescue our boyfriend," Pidge said without missing a beat. 

Lance's eyebrows drew together, then he wiped his eyes on his sleeve and peered at them again, in case the situation would become clear once he wasn't looking at it filtered through tears. 

Hunk's mouth formed a silent "o", and he crossed the room to busy himself with checking on his pastry rolls. 

"Lance," said Allura, approaching him with gentle grace, "Pidge and I have had a talk, and I believe we're on the same page. We both have feelings for you. And we'd both like to give you a chance. All we ask of you is that you don't keep your feelings a secret from either of us." 

There was cautious hope on Lance's face. "What does that mean, exactly?" he asked. 

Pidge plunked down in the seat on Lance's other side and nudged him companionably. "It means that if you do end up actually dating both of us," she said, "then we both know about it. If you ever start to feel like you might want to date someone else, then we both know about it. And if, say, a few years down the road, you and Allura had some babies, and you and I were still together, then I'd be part of the family. I'd be their bondparent. You wouldn't push me out or keep us a secret just because you have certain ideas about what a family's meant to be." 

"And vice versa," Allura agreed. "I'd be proud to be a bondparent one day." 

Lance's eyes were huge. "...Wow," he croaked. He looked from one to the other of them, as if looking at Pidge was the air he breathed, and looking at Allura was a drink of water and he was dying of thirst. "Is this real right now?" 

"Yeah," said Pidge, and linked her arm through Lance's. On his other side, Allura did the same. "If you think you can swing the rules, we're in." 

He shook his head in bewilderment. "Well, I'm sure as hell gonna try," he said. 

"That's good enough for me," Allura said. "Now, Lance. Do you still want to keep our relationships secret from the rest of the team? Or shall we be open about things from here on out?" 

"...Whatever you want," Lance said. He looked as if he had been run over by a truck, died, and gone to heaven. He looked worn and dazed and elated. 

"We can figure out the details some other time," Pidge said. "When we're not all... a little freaked out about everything. Right now, I think we might all need some rest." 

Lance frowned. "But I want cinnamon rolls," he said. "And also my girlfriends." But he was fading fast, now that the stress was off his shoulders. "On the other hand, napping. Napping does sound good. Pidge, you are smart." 

"You could have two out of three," Allura offered. "Let's all go to my room." 

Lance still looked a bit torn, but inclined to agree. 

"Oh, just take your cinnamon rolls and go," Hunk told them, slightly red in the face and holding out a basket of hot pastries. "Get out of my kitchen. I need to think." 

Pidge grabbed the basket, and, arms still linked, the three of them made their way to Allura's quarters. "Thanks, Hunk! You're the best!" Lance hollered over his shoulder. 

All three of their slim figures fit neatly into Allura's wide bed, and they did, actually, mostly just nap. Pidge hadn't gotten enough sleep, and all three of them had been put through the emotional wringer today to one extent or another. So it was easy to doze, tucked in close to each other and just happy they could be this close without hurting each other. 

When they woke up, there would be cinnamon rolls and cuddles and possibly kisses. For now, that was all any of them really needed to know. 


End file.
